Oh, since we last spoke. The man walking the longest unbroken path around the earth has just reached his final stretch after 27 years. YouTubers like Penguin Zero are furious over the new age verification laws changing the internet. The Grand Canyon is on fire. They found radioactive wasps. And Donald Trump has just brought back fitness tests in schools over a decade after they were abolished. All of that and so much more. Subscribe to the channel if you want to go into the weekend feeling like a loyal citizen. And let's stop the yapping and let's go. Oh, I've been waiting to talk about this story because this man is about to become the first person in history to walk a completely unbroken path around Earth. And after 27 years of walking, he's now on the final stretch. God damn. You see, Cole Bushby started walking all the way back in 1998 from the very tip of South America in Chile. And he planned to walk all the way back home to the UK without breaking the mission's only two rules. One, he cannot use any transportation to advance, meaning no planes, no trains, no cars, whatever. and two, he's not allowed to return home until he arrives on foot. But how bro hasn't died yet is nothing short of a miracle because he has somehow successfully made it through the big three. The first is the Darian Gap which is this remote roadless era roadless emphasis on that area between Colombia and Panama and it is commonly known as the most dangerous stretch of jungle in the world. Not only because it's filled with deadly animals, swamps, gangs, and smugglers, but he was also walking through there when Colombia was in an active war. And at one point, he said that he had to sneak through freaking front lines as there was fighting. Now, the next time he should have died is when he attempted to become the first person in modern history again to walk on foot from America to Russia on a frozen ice bridge called the Bearing Straight. It took him 14 days of walking and swimming through freezing temperatures. And at one point, for God's sake, he got swept 52 miles north because remember this bearing straight, it's not frozen solid. So that means the ice still moves with the currents and the wind. But despite this, no, he doesn't die and he makes it to the other side. Once in Russia though, he then gets arrested for multiple weeks. They hold him. They actually wanted to hold him for over 5 years, but luckily he manages to get released. But things are just they're not cruisy from there. In fact, they might be worse because as he started to make his way through Asia like Siberia, Mongolia, and China, the 2008 financial crisis hits and he loses a bunch of very key sponsors that he was relying on financially. I mean, things got so rough to the point where there were days where he said he didn't even have food to eat. He said it was like choosing between having a coffee and having food some days. That's crazy. But it was when he made it to the edge of Asia that he would face his biggest challenge yet, the Caspian Sea. Now, if he wanted to walk above it, he would have to enter Russia. He didn't want to do that. Last time he entered Russia wasn't good. And if he wanted to walk below it, then he would have to enter Iran. Neither were good options. In fact, he spent over a year in Turk Manistan trying to figure out how to advance. And once he realized the only way for him to continue was to swim across the Caspian Sea, plan crazy, which started as a joke, turned into plan reality. And so for the next 31 days, he swims over 300 km across the Caspian Sea, becoming the first person ever to do so. Bro is just full of records. And that is despite him saying that he is a terrible swimmer and he hates it. Anyway, once he makes it through there, he continues across Azabaijan, Turkey, and then just 2 months ago in 2025. Now, he officially enters Europe. That is his last continent and the final stretch in his near three decade journey. Bro, humans are insane. He has walked through pandemics. He has walked through wars. He has walked through the invention of the smartphone. He has walked through the the sending up of a space station. YouTube wasn't even around when he started walking. I wasn't even alive. Bro has missed everything. In fact, he is expected to arrive after GTA 6. Nothing comes after. Honestly, if they don't make a movie about this man's life, I'mma be pissed. So, with absolute awe and respect, moving on. Okay, the next story has a lot of people very angry. Most notably, Penguin Zero. Bro has made multiple videos on this topic now, talking about how if he lived in the UK, considering what was going on here with the new age verification laws, he would move now. I actually live here and yeah, fair. I can attest to most of the things that he's saying and that he's very angry about. But here's the thing. There's actually a lot more that he didn't cover because it's not just the UK. In fact, if you are under 18, no matter where you live, the internet is slowly starting to look very different. For you in particular, for all of us, though. And let me show you why. In just the last couple of weeks alone, the UK passed a bill that requires everyone to prove their age if they want to access certain sensitive material online. And that includes apps like Reddit, Discord X, Blue Sky. YouTube announced that they are going to use AI to estimate and predict a user's age so that they can add safeguards to uh the content that they're recommending them. Spotify announced that they're rolling out age verification in the UK, which could lead your account to be deleted if you fail the checks. Xbox, they said that they're rolling out age verification, too, for players in the UK. and Australia, probably the most extreme out of all of them, they backtracked and they said, "Actually, we're adding YouTube to the long list of social media accounts and and uh platforms that are going to be permanently banned for everyone under the age of 16." Flat out, not like verify your age, like no, if you are under 16, you cannot use social media. And while this does feel like this is all just happening so suddenly, this is actually the result of years of political pushing to make the internet safer for kids. For example, the US, you haven't been safe. You've been doing the same thing. 24 states have passed online age verification laws semi-reently. Canada, Alex, looking at you, uh, recently reintroduced an age verification bill called S209. France has passed similar legislation last year only for it to be suspended to see if it uh matches up with EU law. But the point is the list goes on with so many different countries. And the thing is, while the vast majority of people support making, you know, the internet less harmful for minors, to make that actually happen, everyone needs to prove their age, not just the minors. So the privacy concerns are glaring. In fact, The Verge reports that some age verification platforms, they promise to erase your, you know, data after a certain period of time. But there's no guarantee that every platform will do this. And not to mention private companies, they don't exactly have the best track record with your data. And data breaches, they're a pretty big thing. Point is, either way you look at it, it really seems like the days of using the internet freely without ID, especially if you're under the age of 18, well, those days are numbers. Get with it or get what's the other option with get with it? Get under. No, that sounds sexual. Um, I don't know. Get with it or riot. No, don't riot. Or get a VPN. Yeah, there you go. Which actually is a perfect segue to our next story. Moving on. Ah, this next one is hilarious. VPNs are literally topping the app charts in the UK right now. even over chatbt. And I bet some of you know exactly why too. But for those who don't, basically late last week, the UK government passed a bill blocking access to all sensitive content online for everyone. But you still can watch what you like only if you provide proof you're over 18 by scanning your face, giving them your email so they can cross reference it to your utility bills, or even by uploading your ID. So yeah, I probably don't need to explain why, but for those who are over 18, not wanting to submit your passport for um doesn't surprise me. And I'm even less surprised that Proton is top in the charts and that downloads of ProtonVPN have had an hourly increase of 1,400%. I mean, you guys know by now that Proton is highly approved in the Empire because it was freaking founded by literal scientists at CERN, and it's the only one that keeps all of their servers in Switzerland, meaning they're protected by some of the strongest privacy laws in the world. So, Proton literally cannot hand over your data, even if they wanted to. And guess what? Proton is so much more than just Proton Mail. It's a whole ecosystem, dare I say empire, of privacy first tools. It includes ProtonVPN, Proton Pass, Proton Drive. All of which, as all things should, work together seamlessly. One Proton account, one login, you're protected across the board. So whether you want to browse without being traced, access content while traveling, or keep your files and emails out of the cloud giants, Proton's got you. If they were here right now, say, "Give me someing Proton." And if you're going to be downloading it anyway, I might as well do you a solid, nope, no pun intended, and gift to you a 23% discount off of Proton Unlimited. That gives you VPN mail drive pass wallet and 23% off. What more could your heart desire? So, make sure you use the link proton.me/dillpage. I'll put it in the comments and in the description. And you are sorted. You're welcome. Moving on. Also this week, Australia made history after uh they launched their first orbital space rocket ever, and it only lasted 14 seconds before miserably crashing. But surprisingly, I guess silver linings, this uh this company is persistently positive. The company behind the rocket, Gilmore Space Technology, not to be confused with a Happy Gilmore, well, they still consider it a massive success. Because to be fair, not only is this the first Australian-made orbital rocket to be launched from Australia, but it was actually the first of any rocket made from any country to be launched in Australia for over 50 years. So actually, it's kind of disappointing it only did 50. Oh, it's a success according to them. In fact, afterwards, the company made a statement which men around the world will heavily support. They said we hit every objective even with only 14 seconds of flight. All in time to clock off before Smokeco. Moving on. Also this week, bro, the Grand Canyon is on fire. In fact, it's been on fire for almost a month and I'm only hearing about it this week. Crazy part is it's not even small either because over a thousand firefighters have been conting to contain two fires. One which is called White Sage. We'll get to that. And the other called Dragon Bravo. Kind of two cool names, by the way. And they're both on and around the North Rim. Fun fact, I've been to A lot of people have been there, so I thought I was going to be cool. I've been to Shut Up. So far, they have burnt the equivalent of over 113,000 football fields. They destroyed nearly 100 structures, including the homes and park officials, a visitor center, a gas station, a water plant, and most, I guess notably in the headlines, the historic Grand Canyon Lodge. Goodbye. Gone. And the reason that you may or may not have seen people freaking out about uh this situation on TikTok, is because white sage, which I mentioned earlier, is apparently a medicinal sacred medicinal plant often burnt by Native American tribes for cleansing and purification of Lord knows we need that now. And not just that, but authorities currently believe that both fires were started by lightning. Believe it or not, feel like judgment day is coming for us. Now, as for the actual white sage being burnt, I don't know if there is a significant portion. I'm sure some white sage got caught up in it, but the actual white sage fire is currently 83% contained, while Mr. Dragon bravo, that fire is only 4% contained, and recent reports say that it expanded. It tripled in just 3 days. So, I don't even know. So, see you in August, hopefully onward. Okay, so let me just remind you because this week alone we've had the sixth most powerful earthquake in history. We had tsunamis, a typhoon evacuating hundreds of thousands of people, a volcano eruption, and now you ready for the for the fifth and hopefully final thing of the week. They found radioactive wasps. Yeah. In the United States. Ah, this has got to go down in history as the weirdest mother nature week. I'm telling you, they don't want us to make it. Oh, it's it's August today. They didn't want us to make it to August. So, what did we do? We made it to August. Anyway, let me tell you about what's going on. So, basically, workers at a former nuclear bomb uh site in South Carolina. Didn't know they kept them there. Uh anyway, they came across a wasp's nest, which they sprayed, you know, just to make sure they had killed anything that might be inside. And when they decided just, you know, get a little testy testy westy. Uh, turns out the nest was so radioactive that it was 10 times higher than federal regulations allow. I don't even want to know what was inside. Crazier part, though, is that they actually don't know where the wasps are. They didn't they didn't find any. And so, they don't actually know if there are any from this nest flying around that also might be radioactive. And the thing is, when they filed their report on this whole situation, a watchdog reviewed it and was pissed. They said that this report failed to explain what made this wasps nest radioactive. Like, they didn't say what the source was, which is slightly concerning. And they also didn't specify how the wasps were exposed. And uh if there were any more nests hidden around that might be of a concern. That's another thing that we have to deal with in life. Now, what's next? flies with tuberculosis. Ah, I don't know if that joke was appropriate, Alex. So, um, cut it out if if you think it was. Uh, I feel like it might have been. I laughed about TB, but anyway, there's just another thing to add to the list of keep your head on a swivel for. Moving on. I feel like this week sign of the times, wasn't it? So, to make sure here at the Empire we're protected and we've got some good fortune, three sacrificial lambs. May these three precious citizens bring the empire good luck and good fortune on the wall. You'll notice I didn't take any bribes this week. I feel quite proud of myself. Oh, war lambs this week are extra sacrificial. They went under the holy grail. Only only OT's know the real deal with that thing. Bring the empire. Good luck. No natural disasters taking us out now. Now, let's kick everyone's weekend off right with the one and only. Donald Trump just signed an executive order bringing back the presidential fitness test to public schools more than 13 years after it was abolished. Any of you have no idea what that was because this is news to me since uh I don't I'm not American, but apparently all the way back since the 1950s and60s, kids have been doing this at public schools in America. And it was started so they could measure young Americans fitness levels with events like push-ups, pull-ups, sit-ups, shuttle runs, sit and reach, which is stretching, and uh a timed mile. However, Obama came along and he said, "Nah, this this isn't appropriate for the new age." and he scrapped it and replaced it with Presidential Youth Fitness Program, which focuses much more on the completion of individual fitness and health related goals. So, not really a competition anymore. But Trump said, "Nah, we're bringing it back." And honestly, the way that this is being covered in the media, it's like he's brought torture to schools. Time magazine wrote others warned that the presidential fitness task risks humiliating students who are unable to meet the criteria, potentially fostering a culture of body shaming in schools. Now, if you currently are in America, very interested to hear your thoughts on whether you're fine with this coming back, whether you hate it. Let me know next. Google has to pay a man in Argentina $125,000 after they took a picture of him naked in his back garden. What the hell? Now, this man is actually a local cop. And he was outside trying to take a little bit of naked naked time behind his six foot walls. Six six foot. So, like similar height to me. I'm just trying to for reference. I could probably peer over. Yeah. Anyway, and that's when Google Street View rolled past and accidentally captured him bare booty cheicked. But also, to make matters worse, they also captured his street name, house number, and all of that good stuff. Local media, they discovered this. They blew it up. It gained social media media virality and he was so embarrassed as most people would be, he sued Google. Fair enough. However, the first court denied him and they said basically, "Bro, maybe don't go into your garden naked." But he thought, "That's ridiculous. I'm appealing. Going again." And then the second judge was actually like, "Fair enough. Normally Google, you know, blurs out number plates and things like that." So, they happened to miss an entire schlong or or maybe it wasn't a schlong and maybe that's why they missed it. But the point is they should have blurred it. They didn't. And they awarded the man $125,000. Win in the end of the day. Next, an amusement ride. Actually, this one is horrible to watch. So, uh, discretion. But an amusement ride in Saudi Arabia snapped, injuring 23 people. I feel like that's almost every single one on there. And oh man, when I watch this, it's like the people sitting on the edges where it slams into the pillars. RIP their legs, but not RIP in general. There there are a couple uh three of them that were injured critically and a bunch were rushed to hospital. So hopefully they get well soon and the lawsuits about to go crazy. Next, also this week, we had uh reports of a new world record for the longest stretch of lightning in recorded history. Ready? It measured a staggering 829 km, which for perspective, that runs across five states and ranges all the way from East Texas to Missouri. If you were to drive that distance, it would take you no less than 8 hours. And if you were to fly in a commercial plane, at least an hour and a half. That's how long this single stretch of lightning was. Nature is insane. Next, and then for the last topic of the day, Jason Mimoa shaved off his beard for the first time in 6 years. And ho holy, not going to lie, bro looks like an entirely different person. And at least we now know that he holds 99.9% of his aura in his beard. In fact, one other person that might be doing the same is Alex. I mean just it is thick bushy and I would love to see what Alex to see what you look like. So can we all petition in the comments and to get him to show us some pictures or one better Alex? What would it take for you to shave off your beard? put it in black right now and maybe maybe we can rally together as the empire to get you to shave it off. I feel like it's probably about time. It's probably been decades since you've last had no beard and we want to see it. Let us have joy in your embarrassment, Alex. And that's where we end today. Love you all. Have a fantastic weekend. Hope you enjoyed this week's madness. Uh, enjoy is a terrible word. It was pretty wild. Either way, have a great weekend. Love you all. Bye. [Music]